On Love and Marriage

So its coming up on my 27th wedding anniversary. And to celebrate, I bought a devotional called "Wife After God" by Jennifer Smith. I actually bought it about a month ago but it has been sitting on my desk ever since. You know how it is. But tomorrow is the day I crack it open and start to dig.

I wish I could say that after 27 years of marriage (almost) I have the slightest bit of insight, any advice to give. Actually, what I want more than anything is to say to my husband:

I am sorry.

I am so sorry that I have ignored teachings about love and respect and honor and instead tried to do things my own way. I mean, isn't the job of a wife to suck the life right out of a guy for years and then ask why he doesn't treat me better? Maybe that's just on TV.

I am sorry that I have not spent more time with you instead of pursuing my own goals and aspirations.

All of the teachings that we hear on how a woman can set the tone in her home? Its true. For better or for worse.

Because here is the sad but honest truth....love is a choice. It's what you DO when someone is unlovely. Thank God! Because a lot of the time I can tell you I am unlovely. Not that I am necessarily mean or rude, but living with someone who uses control as a drug to dampen anxiety cannot be easy. Or someone who tries to solve everything herself. Like I don't need you. But I do.

I promise not to roll my eyes when you tell me how much weight you have gained when you are lighter than my goal weight.

I promise to put the flannel sheets on the bed in winter so you don't get as cold at night.

I promise to let you drive and not mention your depth perception problem that always makes it an adventure.

I promise to sit next to you when you watch "Ancient Aliens" on TV.

And most of all, I promise to lift you before the throne of grace. To pray protection for you on your job, and rest at night. To pray for laughter in the midst of frustration.

I promise to continue to try to figure out how to walk my own walk with the Lord without belittling yours. I pound keyboard and turn pages and listen to sermons in an effort to find the answer. For though we occupy the same house, we are not in the same place. Two people rarely are.
So I promise that even though we might be on different pages, I will meet you on yours.